How Do I Select Consequences? – Part 3 – To What Degree Was My Child In Control?

In selecting a consequence it is important to determine to what degree the behavior was within my child’s control.

In general, the severity of the consequence should correspond to my child’s ability to control his behavior.

We need to ask ourselves did my child have the ability to comply? Sometimes the answer to this question is easy. Other times it is not so easy.

When our children are very emotional their ability to think through a situation deteriorates. All of us have had the experience of saying or doing something when really angry that we regret later. At moments of intense emotional arousal thinking may actually stop. A child may be acting on pure emotion and lack the ability to think about good ways to handle the problem. In my experience most if not all children, and most if not all adults, have this experience at some time in their lives. Some children have this happen often.

A child who is overwhelmed by an emotion is not as able to act effectively as a child who is experiencing strong feelings but is not overwhelmed. While we need to give a consequence in both of these circumstances, the severity of the consequence should correspond to the degree with which we feel our child had the ability to consider and act upon better options to the problem.

For some children, medication is necessary to help them experience a reduction in intensity of their emotional arousal. The medication is intended to reduce the power of the emotions so that they have a greater ability to problem solve.