How Do I Select Consequences? – Part 1 – The First Five Guidelines are Similar to Reward Guidelines

Like selecting a reward, selecting a consequence has several guidelines. Of the six guidelines that I discussed in the How Do I Select Rewards series, five of them can be said in reverse. Let me cover them briefly in this first post.

1. A consequence is a consequence only if it works.

For example, a child who has now played all of his video games to the point where they are routine may not mind losing them. Using this as a consequence at this time will not work.

We want to choose a consequence that is no more unpleasant than we need to choose. Don’t take away all privileges for something that can be accomplished by a stern voice.

Consequences can be things, such as removal of toys. Consequences can be the loss of privileges, such as cell phone time. Consequences can be loss of activities, such as loss of time with dad. Consequences can be social disapproval, such as saying “I’m disappointed with you.”

Some consequences would never be rewards. For example, having a child write a letter of apology, do extra homework, or stand in the corner would be good examples of consequences that would generally never be used as rewards.

In the same way a reward offered hours or days from now does not feel very pleasant now, a consequence that is delayed does not feel unpleasant. As a result, a delayed consequence might have to be larger than a consequence given immediately.

This is perhaps even more critical in levying consequences than in giving rewards. If a child feels poorly about himself and unconsciously acts to reinforce that poor image, the consequence actually rewards the poor self-esteem. However, failing to levy a consequence for misbehavior rewards misbehavior. This complication makes it more difficult to know how to respond.

Interventions with these children require that I very carefully levy a consequence in a way that CLEARLY shows a child that he/she is still loved despite the misbehavior. For example, you might levy the consequence by saying, “I got a call from you teacher that you missed another homework assignment. You know that the consequence for this is that you cannot watch television tonight. This is going to be difficult for both of us. I enjoy seeing you enjoy yourself and don’t like to see you unhappy. However, since I love you deeply, I must do something that will help you to do better in the future. So, in addition to doing the homework you missed, you will need to write five reasons why homework is important to your future. I really love you.”