Parents Aren’t Perfect

In giving consequences do not negotiate.  Children often try to argue for less severe consequences to make the consequence less unpleasant. 
 
Most of us as parents hate to make things unpleasant for our children.  We don’t enjoy seeing our children suffer.  As a result levying consequences are emotionally distressing for us as well.  It is [...]

In selecting a consequence it is important to determine to what degree the behavior was within my child’s control.
In general, the severity of the consequence should correspond to my child’s ability to control his behavior.
We need to ask ourselves did my child have the ability to comply? Sometimes the answer to this question is easy. [...]

Before selecting a consequence, it is important to first determine the seriousness of the infraction. In general, more serious behaviors deserve more intense the consequences.
 Problem behaviors generally fall into classes:
           Impulsive words or actions that need to be restrained.
                                                  Unacceptable words/ tones
                                                  Refusal to follow direction
                                                  Failure to cooperate
                                                  Hitting, shoving, pushing, etc.
                                                  Deliberate damage to property
In [...]

Like selecting a reward, selecting a consequence has several guidelines. Of the six guidelines that I discussed in the How Do I Select Rewards series, five of them can be said in reverse. Let me cover them briefly in this first post.
1. A consequence is a consequence only if it works.
For example, a child who [...]

6. Rewards for activities children already do, may actually decrease their natural motivation to do those activities.
This too sounds counterintuitive, but it is important to understand in choosing rewards.  In a study with young children they were given rewards to play with toys they clearly enjoyed.  Later when the reward system was stopped and the [...]